you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
