Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
