i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
