summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize