officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
