Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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