My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
