At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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