Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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