Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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