Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You are the jesus of drinking
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