I wannas sexs uuuuu
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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