omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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