Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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