Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I smell like Dick and happiness
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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