I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
