SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
