there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
