She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
