I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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