well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
