Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
