You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I FOUND THE LEGS
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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