Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Randomize
