i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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