I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
