Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
