even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dignity is for republicans.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
