ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
