Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
