Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
