remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Enjoy the penises
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize