Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
In America we eat man semen.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
