mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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