Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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