these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
