This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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