Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
