I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
