Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
