sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
