Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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