So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
