you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
