Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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