well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Im just a social blackout drinker.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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