Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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