i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
