I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
