Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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