Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you win again, gameday.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
