upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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