That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize