I wish they made helmets for livers.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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