I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
