So drunk its hurt
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize