Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
