it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
