so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
