R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
