dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
