so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
