No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
