He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
