and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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