I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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