goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
