If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
