You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
