It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
