When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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