that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
