if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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